Last First Day

So, today was my last first day of undergrad. I preface it with “undergrad,” and not “school,” because I’m still leaving the door open for more. Who knows, I might carry on for that grad school shit. I’ll give it a fair shake I think, you’ve got to. Always worth a shot.

But back to the matter at hand. Last first day. Exciting. It carries with it the burden of so much. This is who I am. This is where everything has led. And I don’t know if I’m ready for it. I mean, I probably am, but still. This is a huge moment. I’m at the point of no return here.

And then there’s this field placement. Did I make the right choice with choosing to go to a remote option. I think in any other circumstance, I would be okay with working at an in-person placement. But with me working at the club and on gamedays, I felt that that put me in a higher likelihood to be a vector for transmission. And since the placement was in a nursing home, I felt that that was irresponsible to put the residents in that danger. And I feel like that was the right decision, but there’s this bit of doubt inside me that’s nagging and saying that I made a bad call and should have gone with the original plan.

But no, I won’t listen to that doubt anymore. I can’t. That needs to be the culmination of these years. That I have faith in myself and that I know the choices that need to be made. And I need to trust that I know enough to make the right decisions. Because I am good enough.

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